Edward E. Wilson

Power is a very simple thing to have: be the one who makes the decisions. Every day I hear people giving away what power they have. “I can’t,” they say. “I have to,” they claim. I understand that these lies are socially useful, they are often ways to avoid upsetting people by obscuring our responsibility for our choices. I’m not going to tell you to never tell these lies, just stop telling them to yourself.

When you hear yourself say, “I have to go to work,” remind yourself that you are choosing to go to work and why you are choosing that. Practice taking responsibility for your choices and examining your motivations. Over time this will increase your sense of your own power and clarify why you do what you do. When you consistently frame the choices you make as choices you will realize how much of your life is up to you and you may even decide to change some of those choices.

Some of the choices that seem like have to’s were made a long time ago and the values and goals they serve are no longer ones that matter to you. When you find one of these, ask yourself what values and goals would you rather work towards now? Take time to really explore and reflect about what it is you really want and who you want to be.

When you are clear about what you want, ask yourself what are all of the ways you could work towards these goals or express these values? Ideally at this stage you should throw out as many ideas as possible, no matter how crazy. In fact, try to get some wild and crazy ideas out there to make sure you aren’t looking in too small of a box.

Now that you have a list of things you could do to work towards your goals, try to imagine a person successful at what you want to achieve. What from your list would that person choose to do? If you have trouble with this step, go read about people who achieved the sorts of things you want to. Star all of the activities that successful person would choose. Put two stars beside the one most vitally connected with succeeding at your goals.

Ask yourself, has ending the old choice freed up enough time and energy to choose this new activity? If so, start immediately. If not, you have a choice to make. You can choose one of the other starred activities that take less time and energy or you can look for another old choice to stop wasting time and energy on. It’s up to you.